It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.
Early to bed early to rise work like hell and advertise.
Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
Men now monopolize the upper levels... depriving women of their rightful share of opportunities for incompetence.
Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.
Fortune knocks but once but misfortune has much more patience.
Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.
An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it.
Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.
A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.
If two wrongs don't make a right try three.
You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.
The great question is not whether you have failed but whether you are content with failure.
Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
Going to church doesn't make you any more a Christian than going to the garage makes you a car.
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure.
Competence like truth beauty and contact lenses is in the eye of the beholder.
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
Slump and the world slumps with you. Push and you push alone.